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sayakxmi · 3 months ago

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Saiouma Puella Magi AU, but Kokichi takes Madoka's role and Shuichi takes Homura's.

For one, Kokichi's too naturally distrustful to just hear "I can grant you any wish :)" and not think ok where's the hook. So he just does what no one ever has & essentially interrogates Kyubey, so he knows it all even before he gets to make a contract. So, some of his classmstes are MGs & he won't become one himself BUT he still ends up tagging along to just protect them in his Kokichi ways. (Though I'm entertaining Kokichi lying about being a magical girl, because, well, it's Kokichi).

(I also got a small idea of Gonta being a magical girls and Kokichi originally tagging along him into labyrinths, Gonta also makes him a magic gun from the toy one he had, and at some point witches out & Kokichi manages to kill him with that gun. So he always has that spare Grief Seed on himself, bc it's still his best friend & he can't handle the idea of just giving it away or using it himself (he does anyway in the end).)

Shuichi prolly ends up being a new kid & it isn't like MadoHomu, the ppl who reach him first are Kaede & Kaito, classic. Kokichi's there, too, but he's his usual sus self. He's actually discouraging ppl from making a contract when they find out magic and miracles are real, which absolutely includes Shuichi. He's very vocal abt it, but he won't explain stutf, bc 1) he's a liar, so who'd believe him? and 2) he doesn't want them to witch out upon finding out the truth or, idk, murder everybody Mami-style.

Anyway, fast forward, bad things happen bingo & by the end of the run most charas are dead, there's Walpurgis nachting, and he makes his wish to bring back the ppl who died notably not as magical girls. Contract signed, he fights & fails, rip. I also thought it was similar to how he thought he could end the killing game by himself - he though he could finish Walpurgisnacht by himself, too. And he failed in both times. Whatevs.

Shuichi doesn't actually make his time travel wish for Ouma specifically, he wants to save all his friends. Timelines are messy esp at first bc he either tells then or it backfires or just makes himself look very sus bc he's trying not to tell them. He also realizes why Kokichi hadn't told anybody aby witches at some point, bc, yeah, it messes them a lot, assuming they believe it.

Still, Kokichi ends up one of the few people who are nearly always giving him a chance, not necessarily out of belief, but out of pragmatism - bro can stop time & knows the truth, that's just too useful. So they often work together & Shuichi grows closer to him but still we ain't there yet. But the thing is, Shuichi's time travel still makes Kokichi more & more powerful with each timeline, bc Shuichi usually goes back after Kokichi dies, so the universe figured out this guy's life's important. Anyway, another notable thing is the iconic Homura kills Madoka scene, but it's Saiouma with guest stars of Kaito & Maki. It's Walpy, it's not defeated yet, but the training trio are spent & just kinda accept their fate of turning into witches together. And then, boom, Kokichi appears & steals their Soul Gems for a sec & he's like did u know you can cleanse your Soul Gem with a darkened one? But it's a lie & he quickly tells them so, he just had a spare Grief Seed after cleansing his Soul Gem & he needs them to do some stuff. Shuichi can travel back in time & fix things, and Maki & Kaito are needed to fight Walpy here. He actually questions what happens to the timelines Shuichi leaves behin, and ofc he doesn't know. There's a chance they remain, so Kokichi needs Maki & Kaito to fight Walpy here.

Kaimaki leave, and Shuichi finally looks at Kokichi & realizes sth is Wrong. Kokichi struggles to hide how he's trembling & grimacing, and it's Kokichi, so obviously it must be extremely bad. Shuichi dreadfully realizes something worse, and he weakly asks Kokichi why aren't his wounds healing. And Kokichi just falls, laughing weakly, and Shuichi catches him & searches for his Soul Gem and, God, he knew it. It's nearly completely black. Kokichi laughs & admits he lied abt having two Grief Seeds, he only had one he never wanted to use. But they'll have the second one soon, so no need to worry. He asks Shuichi to maybe destroy his witch form as it's hatching, so he'll have the Grief Seed without any fighting… and he admits that he hates fighting, he hates this magical world and all its violence. He says that Kaito was right in calling him a coward, even here he just can't handle the idea of fighting any longer, he's so sorry. And Shuichi tells him he ISN'T a coward. He was scared, but he always followed everybody, trying to help, and when push came to shove he would always make a contract for the benefit of others rather than himself. He's a lot of things, but a coward isn't one. Kokichi actually tears up hearing that, and Shuichi promises he won't let him fight ever again, and especially he won't let him turn into a witch and hurt anybody, because he knows it's the last thing he's ever wanted. Even now he only accepts turning into a witch to help them fight to keep others safe. So Shuichi won't let him. Kokichi probably apologizes and thanks him and then he dies.

Keeping Kokichi from fighting starts off as a side quest that gains importance with time, bc it's something Shuichi won't compromise on (ah, trauma), which leads him to occassionally neglect others a bit, which makes them more likely to get hurt & ironically Kokichi more likely to make a contract, especially since he gets more powerful & Kyubey is more interested in him with each timeline. And that also makes him witch out super quick. Shuichi's paying more attention to him & over time grows resentful of others for how they're treating him. To Shuichi it's no question that Kokichi cares & is just doing his best to help, but nobody realizes that.

But the biggest obstacle in keeping Kokichi from fighting is actually Kokichi himself, bc he's too smart and nosy, lmao. Even if he knows nothing, he will find out quickly. Doesn't help that Kyubey wants him to make a contract.

Also, obviously Kaito is Sayaka-coded and Maki could be Kyouko-coded, so that's a thing, BUT it's usually Maki that witches out. Kaito is usually pretty close, but Kokichi intervenes & he survives, but Maki later cracks on her own (and since in the new timeline Kokichi isn't there, Kaito's the one to die, so he's still the secretary). So it's Kaito who gets the dramatic sacrifice. I imagine he genuinely hoped you could bring somebody back if you tried Very Hard & Kokichi called him a moron bc obviously it's not possible. If it was there'd be far less witches that there are. But it's Kaito, he doesn't listen to reason. So, Kokichi follows him to the labyrinth. At first Kaito's mad cuz what if Kokichi being there ruins the plan? Maki hates his guts! But eventually he gets hit pretty hard, and Kokichi is near immediately by his side, trying to help him get up, which kinda makes Kaito short circuit a little bc wait Kokichi's trying to help? But witch!Maki attacks them & Kokichi pushes Kaito away & gets caught himself (and choked until unconsciousness, naturally). Anyway, Kaito gets him away, Shuichi catches Kokichi & Kaito makes up his mind about going down with Maki & asks Shuichi to tell Kokichi that he's sorry. He doesn't get him, but he got hurt trying to protect him, so he'll believe in that if nothing else. F.

As for The WishTM, in the last timeline Shuichi lashes out at Kokichi for his willingness to just become part of the system. In no timeline has his wish actually helped, it did NOTHINHG, which OUCH but it also makes Kokichi think out of the box more & he becomes the Law of Cycles. And Shuichi realizes what is happening & freaks out bc Kokichi's doing it bc of what he told him & like Homura they end up having a momentTM in space & Shuichi remembers. He feels a lot of guilt even tho he also questions whether anything was real, but if it was, he pushed somebody he far too realized he loved into erasing himself from existence.

#hope it's not too long but i'll make it a read more if somebody thinks it is #i spammed discord i spammed bsky it's only fair i post it on tumblr too #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #saiouma #danganronpa #like obviously normally you'd go for something like Kokichi as Homura and Shuichi as Madoka and I'm just not that sure of it myself #like the vibes match at the first glance but the more I think about it the less it actually works for the characters in question #one of Kokichi's most defining chracteristics is that he cares a lot about everybody and frankly more than probably any other V3 character #but in a very... general sense if you get me. characters like Kaito and even Shuichi pick some people they like to care for and everybody #else is like whatever - sucked but now it's done like after Korekiyo's execution he says nothing abt him while both Makoto & Hajime offer #Celeste and Mikan some more thoughts and compassion; anyway obviously Kokichi doesn't care about say Kaede more than Shuichi but he still #gives all their lives the same amount of respect just for the sake of it; that's what makes chapter 4 so horrifying from his perspective #and also why in chapter 5 he isn't willing to do the same anymore and instead chooses to die himself so Maki of all people can survive and #so Kaito can go in a blaze of glory. and these two are arguably the two characters who treated him the worst (not that anybody treated him #well save for maybe Gonta and Kiibou). so i can't imagine Kokichi in Homura's role - reaching the point where he cares about only one perso #surviving while everybody else can die in a ditch bc the one time he picked his life over anybody else's he had a wholeass breakdown & then #killed himself several days later even though logically it would've made more sense to either kill Kaito who's dying anyway or throw Maki #under the bus since she was the one to fuck things up in the first place and proved herself to be a danger to the group.#Shuichi meanwhile he absolutely could given his lack of regard for some of the dead (Rantaro Ryouma idk abt Angie but I remember little #Korekiyo Miu and finally Kokichi himself) so he could snap at some point #anyway time to shut up it's getting long in these tags

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oceanwithouthermoon · 4 months ago

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ive received multiple dms or asks asking why i blocked people (fyi to the anons, i dont have that many people blocked so youre not saving yourself much embarrassment by being anonymous😭) and im just gonna say this here EVEN THOUGH I DONT OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS im just tired of the messages

i will block anyone who has disrespectful takes (usually misogynistic but sometimes just straight up mean, FOR EXAMPLE if you make a really farfetched take or disregard canon SPECIFICALLY for the sake of discrediting someone elses take or ship) or if you always post a ship i dont want to see 🤷🏻‍♀️

so basically youll get blocked for being a dick... or a torisai shipper 😭😭 thats the criteria

#i have the k*bokai and t*risai tags filtered #so if you post either of them untagged i will probably block #but also this is really not something you need to wonder about #do i have to have a reason to not want to see someones blog #its not a personal attack #i used to think like that and then i was like #i constantly post one of the most hated ships (k*bosai) and i used to spam post a lot #those r two valid reasons for someone to block and neither r a personal attack on me #nobody needs a 'valid' reason to block someone but it just put it into perspective ig #if i recieve even one more of these after posting this i may go crazy/nsrs #its a little embarrassing that people r like going on side blogs n shit just to ask me abt this #but i'll give the benefit of the doubt cuz its probably really young people #this post itself is a little embarrassing to make ngl i feel like everyones just gonna go 'who cares' 'nobody said that' or something LOL #sorry this isnt instagram reels #meows post

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shadowofaghost5 · 5 days ago

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Soooo I accidentally went ahead and made a bunch of fanart for "oh, you're my best friend," by @cottonmouthcandy ? It was supposed be be just Bonnie, but then Shanklin just appeared out of nowhere, which, good for him.

Anyway, give the fic a read! It's a very lovely Gravity Falls Pokemon AU with great writing!

#Give me a second I'm gonna yap so so hard once I get the main tags out of the way #gravity falls #stanley pines #stan pines #gravity falls au #also it's still january sooo #stanuary #OKAY SO #These were mostly just doodles I made to figure out designs you know? I wanted them to be somewhat unique #but not be too different from the normal Pokemon designs. So these are not entirely finalized in my mind yet #For Bonnie; she wasn't always Stan's but I still wanted to incorporate his themes into her design so I made her tail resemble flames?#Since fire symbolism is a big part of Stan's character. I also made her “hair” have waves to both distinguish her a bit but also to #bring in a subtle ocean connection. It's not very obvious but that's fine. She'll probably also change a bit in Stan's care as life goes on #My one regret is that she doesn't look ominous enough in these pictures. I need to make her a little bit more Creature.#And For the twin pokemon oh boy..#Since they are the twins' childhood pokemon I think they'd normally probably have like. Accesories and stuff. I just didn't draw any here.#I gave Shanklin sharper than usual teeth and a head lighter than his body as sort of a nod to his possum counterpart #Though it's not that obvious with the shading. Also not obvious is a lot of tiny scars from scraps he'd gotten in over the years #Frilliam in the corner looks so basic I'm sorry Frilliam. In my defense that sketch wasn't supposed to actually be finalized #Huh. What'd you say? “The gem in Frilliam's shell kinda looks like a singular eye”? See I have absolutely no idea what you are talking abou #Also Slowkings have a warmer color palette in the Pokedex than Slowbros and I decided to commit to that because like #Stan is usually associated with red and warm colors whereas Ford is usually associated with blue and cool colors.#So their Pokemons being the opposite of that sounded cool #Also kinda unrelated kinda not I listened to so much mitski while drawing these it's insane. It was for the mood.#That pic of Shanklin has like. Francis forever playing in the back to me.#But anyways as you can see I am very normal about making fanart for things. (< blatant lie of someone who loves to yap)#Also dear author of the fic if you're still reading I kinda just assumed you wouldn't mind being tagged? If you do just tell me #and i'll delete it

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sp-growingpains · 2 months ago

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it's been a while since I last asked about Jean! you can skip if some of these you've answered already <3

7) Vice-Versa! If your OC is in the modern day, what fantasy class would they be? Would they be a different race? (Or more specifically, could you tell us more about Jean's TSOT alter ego?)

12) Does your OC interact with other people's OC? If so, who's their best OC friend?

Yoooooooou! You make my heart so happy! I wanna spoil you!! 💝

Hey real quick!! If I tagged you, please feel free to ignore this! Don't read it if you don't want to! Question 12 involves credit where credit is due!

7) Vice-Versa! If your OC is in modern day, what fantasy class would they be? Would they be a different race?

So when I think about TSOT stuff I honestly use D&D rules because that's what I grew up on as a kid! When I first made Jean I thought about her being a Tiefling Bard! But dude, Jimmy is the best bard in all of the kingdoms!

So I scrapped it and had a really fun idea as I was writing up my Fantasy stuff for SP. Jean is the Black Knight! I love, love Authurian legend and I couldn't resist making a nod to one of my favorite video game characters! Zelgius from Fire Emblem had the coolest armor and story! (Huge info dump ahead, I'm so sorry)

So, if they're just kids being kids: Jean loved the fact that most of the girls were the knights! Wendy with the battle maiden looking absolutely fire! But, it was kind of boring that Clyde was the only "bad guy". So she decided to dress as the mysterious black knight. Every time her friends would get together to play, she would find a reason to be like "Awh sorry guys, I got stuff to do today!" Or pretend to be sick!

Then, when everyone else was busy with their games, deep in their battles. She's show up covered head to toe in a black motorcycle helmet, a black battle vest (she probably picked up from Jimbos after begging him to help her.), black pants, and black boots. (You get the point.) She orders a sword and a cape from party city or some silly shit and just shows up.

While she wears the costume, she keeps her mouth shut. She goes out of her way to be as mysterious as possible and dramatically makes a show of fighting the others. If she's losing, she'll find a way to make the other person look cool but make a grand escape! She picks up this persona just to make everyone else look cool because she knows she looks like an edgy asswipe! Kids being kids, right?

BUT THE AU! OH THE AU!

I rambled before that I love Cowboys, but I move fantasy stuff so much!

So we still go with the black knight angle! But before that she was a royal knight to The Grand Wizard! Fought side by side with Butters the Merciful! Brothers-in-arms with Ser Clyde and Ser Tolkien! A circle of knights who swore to do right by the human kingdoms.

Then, the war happens over that damn artifact. It's power tempting both the elven and human men. Battle after battle begins to wear her down. She starts to lose the will to find good in what she does. When the ground becomes soaked with the blood of soldiers throwing themselves into her blade, and for what? For power? Power they'll never see? All because some men who already hold enough power told them to?

It breaks her.

So she comes home to that found family and gets into a fight before the Grand Wizard and her brothers. Not one of steel like she's so used to. Instead, the Grand Wizard brands her a traitor and casts her out so she's forced to leave.

Stripped of her name, her brotherhood, her honor.

Something about that sends her spiraling. The isolation sends her into one of the great forests where she's decided that's what she'll protect. She'll live there and those woods will be hers. Because at least she was good at that.

There, she protects people who want nothing to do with the war. The little people caught in the middle. If people think to bring the war into her woods, she dons the armor, the two-handed silver sword, and becomes the weapon she was so good at being.

She slowly stops being Jean Wellman and more of a weapon. Even a broken sword is at least useful. A broken human? Not so much.

Still edgy? Yes. Do I eat that shit up? Oh, absolutely.

I end it there because I like to leave it open for other characters' influence! That includes other ocs!

12) Does your OC interact with other people's OC? If so, who's their best OC friend.

Oh! Oh! I love this question!! Because that means I get to brag about others!

Real talk! I get super nervous talking to people about Jean! There's this part of me that finds it so...selfish? But I want to hear everything about other people's! And if they want to talk about how their OC would interact with mine? Oh my heart!!

@lulu24784 was the first person to interact with me when it came to our blorbos! She drew this beautiful piece of Jean and Lulu when we first started talking that is still my iPad background! It brings me so much joy when I look at it!

She drew them with the friendship bracelet and I made it canon! In every picture, where it makes sense, she's got the bracelet on. It's on that wrist forever. I have these little thoughts of Jean showing up in her flower shop and spending hours just yapping and playing soft music on her guitar while she watches her friend move around doing her day to day. Her favorite thing to do is to put on some music and try to coax Lulu into dancing with her. Seeing someone you adore be good at the thing they're good at makes her so very happy.

That leads to her maybe stepping on the poor girls feet because she's a big, clumsy idiot. Especially because of their height difference, but any chance to be close with someone who means so much to her.

That leads to some pretty confusing feelings for Jean later on, but at the end of the day, she knows she loves Lulu and wants her happy!

Another person who Jean is close to is Morgan! @tinyalcoholicwitch is my best friend irl! I met her back when I was twelve and we've been friends ever since! We've bounced from Fandom to Fandom together and she bravely tried to follow me here! So she made the gorgeous Morgan for Jean to have as a friend! Jean loves her bestie so very much!

She also drew me a beautiful piece that is my laptop background! Because my friends inspire me and it makes me want to be better!

Jean and Morgan got into piercings around the same time, so they got their face piercings together. Jean immediately made the "joke" of kissing, and they would lock together like puzzle pieces. Jean's favorite thing to do with her is to crawl into her window late at night. Yes, she could have taken the front door, but that would have woken Morgan's mom, and that's rude! So she crawls in and spends hours with her, most times spending the night. She has to be picking Morgan up or holding her every chance she can get! Morgan is a huge reason why Jean stays so fit, so she can carry her favorite princess like she deserves!

And you know she would adore Anh! We haven't talked much but from what you've posted about her, I know Jean would think she's the coolest person ever! 🫶

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torchickentacos · 7 days ago

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The pokemon anime subreddit fascinates and frustrates me on equally deep levels

#smiling and blinking innocently. long tags ahead :) being normal :)🌸☀️☘️✌️💐#i'm such a 'minding my own business' person in fandom. i feel like my usual reaction to seeing takes I disagree with is #'well. people probably hate some of my takes so whatever'. perhaps even the ones i'm about to share #but. man.#it's like a portal to 2010 forum discourse but goh and serena are there this time.#deeply fascinated by the repetition of old ship wars too????#what do you mean we're still having legitimate 'but drew and gary are mean' discourse 😭#i mean by all means they should keep arguing because mostly i'm just glad that the wider pokeani sphere remembers drew at all #but that being said i wonder what kind of rivalry these people would have wanted instead?????#because there's other rivalries we could point to where they weren't air-quotes 'mean'. but we have those and people ignore them lol #because they're-imo- usually less engaging and dynamic. except for dawn and zoey who have never done anything wrong in their lives.#like we COULD give everyone the supportive happy rival experience a la may and grace or whatever but that's just not the SAME #and augh. taking psychic damage and trying to be normal but that's the THINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG OKAY #are Gary and Drew needlessly mean in early episodes? yeah lmao. i'm not arguing on that. they suck ❤️ completely insufferable.#b u t #there's that line. right. the line where it slowly slides into backhanded compliments too and giving that motivation-#-for their rival to work harder and the fact that they want that reaction and attention from this one person so badly.#like shipping aside I really do think that the friction of the Gary/Ash and May/Drew rivalries is what made them GOOD.#and yeah sometimes it was out of line but also that's just how the dub is as a whole tbh. they just said whatever shit they could 😭#AND BACK TO THE BEING NICE THING. Ash and May both got growth from their nice rivalries but not what they got from Gary/Drew.#it's different types of growth and lessons and they needed both kinds from different sources. I'd argue the rougher rivalries taught more?#regardless of your opinions on the characters themselves you can't deny that Gary/Paul/Drew/Harley/etc- the rivals that pushed A&M-#had the biggest impact on their growth over the rivals that didn't push. note that 'friends' and 'rivals' are different categories for this #I'm pitting. like. gary and paul against morrison and ritchie and not against dawn or pikachu or brock or whatever. different convo.#but it was growth out of spite to be better than the jackass rival at first and then that CHANGED INTO MUTUAL BETTERMENT #AND WANTING TO BE BETTER ✨FOR✨ AND ✨WITH✨ THEIR RIVAL. OKAY. (re: gary and drew specifically)#and as a result of all of this. drew and gary did get better to be fair!#well gary did kind of just start picking on goh instead gjkhsdkfj (joking) but ykwim.#DAMN IT I'M OUT OF ROOM AND IT DELETED A WHOLE ASS PART 2 THAT I HAD TYPED OUT #fine. i'll make this its own post at some point because i yearn to yap on about it

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 8 months ago

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i found this lore entry recently and have not stopped thinking about it since. it is HYSTERICALLY funny to me that fandaniel's villain origin story was just being a fuckin boomer

One of few great minds in a land that had seen the slow, yet steady numbing of its people's intelligence, Amon long lamented the sorry state of Allag , concentrating his early scientific efforts on developing medicines to increase mental capacity . He soon realized that it was not knowledge that the Allagans lacked. If anything, they had too much. What his people lacked was a leader. With a renewed sense of focus, Amon shifted his studies to the field of vivimancy, and soon was conducting experiments on his own flesh in order to attain his final goal - the resurrection of Xande the First.

— Encylopaedia Eorzea Volume I, p. 25

#final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #ffxiv amon #ffxiv fandaniel #i just. i Just.#the fact that he tried to fix it by doing research to literally just give people extra brain cells #before deciding the problem was ipad babies is KILLING me #i don't know why it's so hilarious but oh my fucking god #like obviously his real problem with it was a) that whole post about how there's Fun and there's Satisfaction from Achievement #which you need a balance of; because if you don't get enough fun you get stressed #but if you don't get the feel-good chemicals that come from working at and accomplishing things #it will fuck you up Badly; and make you horribly depressed; and you will probably try and substitute more and more Fun in a vicious cycle #b) not only did he live in the depressing nightmare sinkhole of resulting society-wide mental illness #but his attempts to preserve his sanity with meaningful work kept being appropriated into Fun by other people instead #and c) his exposure to the endpoint of 'utopia'; where everyone is happy and all their needs are (supposedly) met #was watching people get Bored and proceed to entertain themselves with horrific sadism and cruelty #he doesn't come right out and explicitly make that connection out loud; but going by his speech in the aitiascope it's pretty obvious #there's a Lot going on there; especially once you start getting into how he leans *into* the cruelty he hated so much #i could go on and probably i'll write up posts about it. it's fucked up and tragic and on a serious narrative level it tracks #but it's also SO SO FUNNY #ffxivtag #FF tag #shitposting #ableism cw #endwalker spoilers

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theflyingfeeling · 1 year ago

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💖 it's here, it's pink, it's sparkly, and full of fluff 💖

Hiiiiii and welcome to witness my attempt at an Olli/Allu Advent Calendar, in which I'll give you ~a cute little something~ about these two idiots in love almost every day until December 24! My plan is to use prompts from this list to either write a fic based on the prompt or just some good ol' delulu thoughts if all else fails. I cannot guarantee there'll be a post literally every day, but I'm really excited to try this out and I thank you for your support along the way in advance 💝

The biggest thanks and a million hugs go to one of my favourite human beings @kraeuterhexchen for making the adorable banner!! I mean helloooooo?? 😭 Go show them some love ❣️

For December 1, the prompt list is titled One True Pairing Moments, and the prompt I chose was 'calling just to hear their voice' 🥺 You can read the fic below, I hope you like it <3

PS. Even though this is an advent calendar of sorts, I'm not planning on making this particularly Christmassy. I hope no one minds terribly!

Falling for Aleksi had, in a way, sneaked up on Olli, at least if he fooled himself a little. He could pretend he didn’t feel any different about the man than he did about, say, Joonas or Tommi, but that strategy only worked for so long – that is to say, approximately until Aleksi as much as smiled softly at him from across a room or bumped his shoulder into his jovially when walking down the street and Olli would feel his breath getting caught in his throat or stumble in his words, his tongue tangled like shoelaces, which was so unlike him as well and frustrated him to no end. It really took a special kind of fool to not only develop some level of feelings for a friend, a colleague, a bandmate for Christ’s sake, but also become so hopelessly enamored with him that you rolled awake in bed in the dead of night, grabbing your phone and tossing it back on the nightstand again and again because you couldn’t decide whether or not you should, on some erratic 2 o’clock impulse, call him to let him know he was the very reason for your insomnia.

Turning on his back, Olli groaned (only a little desperately) as he remembered losing himself in the lingering hug they had shared just before the arrivals lobby at the airport, inhaling Aleksi’s scent and wishing they wouldn’t have to go home just yet, even if Olli was more than ready to finally sleep in his own bed again. Ironically, ever since they had returned home from tour, Olli had spent night after sleepless night missing Aleksi terribly: his stupid jokes and playful banter that bordered on being flirtatious if Olli allowed himself the benefit of delusion; his quick, subtle smiles that probably meant nothing; his little touches Olli hoped meant something; his smell and his touch and the softness of his hair at the back of his neck, compared to which the blanket Olli was grasping in his fist was like sandpaper. (How he had come to know of the qualities of Aleksi’s hair in such detail, he preferred not to dwell on too much to save himself from the heartache, so let’s just leave it at ‘stressful, emotional week far away from home’ and ‘a little too much to drink’).

Above all, Olli missed Aleksi’s voice. He hadn’t even thought that was possible, until the other morning when Olli had woken up to a voice message Aleksi had left just hours earlier, rambling about a song idea he had gotten in the middle of the night – something he did from time to time – and Olli had spent the next several minutes replaying it over and over again as he had lied in bed procrastinating getting up and and instead closing his eyes to better imagine Aleksi lying there beside him, turned on his side to face Olli, talking to him sleepily like they often did when they shared a room on tour and were just too lazy to join others at breakfast. Much like the hug at the airport, Olli wished those moments would have lasted way longer than they did, often ending abruptly when either of their phones would go off with Santeri’s name on the screen, a passive-aggressive interruption to the soft, low tone of Aleksi’s early-morning thoughts. (Sometimes, when Olli was lucky enough, he had been blessed with the bliss of feeling the light touch of a fingertip tracing along his collarbone, cut short just as frustratingly by their well-meaning tour manager politely enquiring whether the two of them had plans of dragging themselves downstairs for some toast and coffee, or if they’d rather starve until lunchtime, for which he wasn’t at all sure they’d even have time that day.)

The lovesick idiot that he was, his thumb hovered over the ‘play’ button of Aleksi’s voice message, probably for the millionth time that week. The chest-carving hesitation turned into a heart flip when he noticed Aleksi was online.

Then Aleksi began to type, and Olli held his breath the entire time until a new message appeared in the thread, anticipation holding him by his throat.

You awake?

Olli exhaled and typed his affirmative reply, leaving out the reason why.

He blinked at the screen, waiting for Aleksi to ask him a random question that clearly couldn’t wait until morning, or perhaps talk about something related to another late-night Twitch stream (from what Olli had gathered, Aleksi had been doing a lot of those recently, and with his last remaining braincell Olli had managed to resist the temptation to watch every single one of them, because he knew that if he did, it would only dig his grave of pining and longing deeper, seeing Aleksi smile and giggle about but not being able to do that with him or snuggle up next to him when he was wearing that flannel Olli often used as a blanket in the tour bus). But instead of another text appearing on the screen, Olli’s phone began to vibrate in his hand, and it took him an embarrassingly long while to understand it was because Aleksi was calling him.

“Hi,” he sighed when he finally collected himself enough to speak. He prayed he’d be able to hear what Aleksi was going to say from the thumping heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Hi,” a soft voice said. “Sorry, I know it’s late…”

“No, not at all,” Olli hurried to say, “I mean, I wasn’t sleeping. Not even close, actually.” Part of him hoped Aleksi wouldn’t ask about it, but in some foolhardy way the possibility intrigued him.

Nothing much, he would have likely said anyway, but what would happen if he told Aleksi how it really was? That he squeezed his pillow imagining it was him instead, or wailed into it because something had reminded him of a moment-that-was-probably-not-a-Moment™ they had shared? What would Aleksi say if he knew Olli sometimes touched himself the way Aleksi had touched him That One Night they never talked about? The only obstacle between Olli and that knowledge was a bottomless ocean of cold sweat and cowardice, and Olli had never been a great swimmer.

“So, ummm…,” Olli said when Aleksi’s end stayed silent. “What’s up?”

A short breath of laughter sounded through the phone line.

“Honestly? I don’t know, I… It’s just been a… weird week, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like… my head’s just been so full of… everything and… I’ve been so busy and kinda tense and… fuck, this is going to sound crazy,” Aleksi laughed that brief laugh again, although to Olli it didn’t sound particularly cheerful. Tired, more like. Strained, somehow. Not sad, but definitely a little troubled, and Olli intended to find out why.

“I’m all for crazy, you know.” Olli hoped his sorry attempt to lighten Aleksi’s mood would work, and so he smiled in relief when he heard Aleksi chuckle at his comment.

“I know,” Aleksi said softly, in that tone of voice that had Olli melt against his bedsheets. “So yeah, it’s been a rough week, but… in between all that stupid shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about… umm… well, the tour and– and… about you, for some reason,” (the troubled laugh made its return) “and… yeah. That’s sort of helped me a lot recently.”

Olli listened to the words carefully, not fully believing what he was hearing, yet clinging on to them until they were all but swirling around in his otherwise empty head like dry leaves in October wind.

“And tonight I just couldn’t fucking sleep for some reason and nothing I did seemed to help and so I thought I’d call you. And I’m–” If it hadn’t been dead silent otherwise, Olli wouldn’t have heard the shaky breath Aleksi paused to take, “I’m sorry I’m calling you at this hour and bothering you with this all but I guess I just… wanted to hear your voice. To see if that would help.”

“Does it?” Olli asked. Aleksi’s confession had made him clasp his blanket close to his chest, as if that would do anything about his rapidly beating heart.

“Yeah. It does. So maybe just… keep talking?”

Despite his mind living a life of its own, completely unfit to form a single coherent thought, for Aleksi’s sake Olli tried his best to think of something to say, but everything he came up with was something he was not ready to tell him quite yet.

“Uuummmm…” he said to buy himself some time, but while he waited for his useless brain and mouth to form any actual words, Aleksi spoke again.

“Fuck, I’m– I’m sorry, this is too weird, I shouldn’t have– I’ll let you go back to–”

“I miss you,” Olli blurted before Aleksi would hang up on him. He squeezed his eyes shut when Aleksi went silent, too silent for too long for it to mean any good.

The line stayed open, however, which Olli took as a positive sign, even if the seconds during which all Olli could hear was Aleksi's quiet breathing seemed endless.

“And I you,” Aleksi finally replied. “A little too much, probably, or at least that’s what it feels like,” he chuckled. Olli almost missed the quiet sniff that followed.

He had to steel himself for his next question.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… forget it.” Aleksi said quietly. Contrary to Aleksi’s request, Olli knew he was going to all but ‘forget it’ for the next 3-5 business days; mentally he booked all his evenings as well as most of his mornings and noons for pondering what exactly had been in Aleksi’s mind in that moment or why he had sounded so sombre, almost disappointed. He’d probably never come to any satisfactory conclusion about it though, at least not without a little help from Aleksi himself.

A ridiculous idea popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, the words flooded out of his mouth.

“Do you wanna come over some time? To hang out? When your schedule’s a little less tight, I mean.” He sucked on his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Aleksi’s answer, ready to hang up the moment he’d decline the offer on some obvious and logical reason for why Aleksi couldn’t possibly make nor want to take a trip to the north to see him, such as ‘didn’t we just spend over two months on the road together?’ or ‘damn, buddy, I miss you alright but not quite that much, I’ve done enough sitting in public transportation for one year, thank you very much lol’ or ‘what about Rilla?’

“You could take Rilla with you, you know.” Olli hurried to say, just in case, the deranged part of his brain thinking there might be a chance Aleksi might be at least considering it.

“Oh! Well, umm… I actually might have time next week? If– if you’re actually being serious about this.”

Funny you should ask, Aleksi; I’ve actually never been more serious about anything in my entire life than I am about having you here with me so that I can hold you and be held by you and see your face when I wake up in the morning and say goodnight to your annoyingly cute face instead of via text message and maybe, if the stars are in position and the northern wind won’t discourage me too much, I might actually be brave enough to torment you with the knowledge of just how miserable I’ve been since we last saw each other.

“I think it would be cool,” he said, because he had a feeling what he wanted to say would’ve been a tad too much and sudden. “I mean, if you’re up for it, of course. I understand if you can’t make it though, I know you have all those side projects.”

“No, I think it might actually do me some good to get out of the capital area for change.” Then there was a muffled ‘ouch’, followed by a laugh that sounded much brighter than any of the other ones Olli had heard from Aleksi that night. “Sorry, correction, it might do us some good. Rilla just told me she’s most definitely coming too. Rilla, stop nibbling on my toes!”

Olli smiled tiredly at the mental image that was painted in his mind of Aleksi and Rilla cuddling in bed, both minding their own business from what it seemed while still minding each other as well, very much indeed.

“I’ll be sure to set up a bed for her in the guest room.”

“The guest room? Do you not know her at all? If she’s not getting the master bedroom, she’ll ruin all your rugs and most of your shoes. Probably also gossip about you to all the neighbourhood dogs. And she’s brutal.”

Olli held his stomach as he laughed, tears almost forming in the corners of his eyes. In his defence, it was late and he was finally becoming tired, thus too far gone to help himself, let alone feel embarrassed about being in stitches about something Aleksi had said that was only mildly amusing. (It wasn’t the first time that had happened either, and likely not the last time.)

“So yeah, ummm, I can take a look at some flight options for next week and let you know, alright? I’m gonna let you sleep now and… I should get some myself too.”

Olli wanted to tell Aleksi he’d love to stay up chatting until dawn, but the yawn he let out when he opened his mouth to speak implied Aleksi had a point.

“Yeah, let me know. And… thanks for calling, I… you have no idea how much I needed this tonight.”

That was as close to a confession as Olli was able to get as of now.

“Probably not half as much as I did.”

Olli chuckled at Aleksi’s response, mostly to hide his own agony.

If only you knew. If only I knew how to tell you.

It didn’t take long for Olli to doze off after they hung up, and when he woke up to the kids from next door having a snowball fight under his window in the morning, he noticed new messages from Aleksi, sent half an hour after their phone call had ended, complete with screen captions of airplane schedules.

Would these days work for you? I might be free all week actually 😇

Olli cuddled into his pillow while typing his reply, hoping it wouldn’t wake up Aleksi.

yeah I’m free as well. I’ll pick you two up from the airport 🖤

From then on, Olli started counting the days until he’d see Aleksi again.

#blind channel fanfiction #blind channel rpf #ollixallu #24 days of gift-giving by theflyingfeeling #<- that's the tag i'll be using for these btw #everyone stop and look at the banner!! 🥺💖#it's not QUITE like the original one ju made first but maybe one day you'll get to see that masterpiece as well 😏#but ooff the way i've gone from having 'a plan' to having 'a better plan' to having 'no plan whatsoever' with this? 😂#so yeah idk what kinda fics/posts there'll be in this series... stay tuned and see for yourself! 🤭#some of them might be in the same universe/plot. others may not. who knows? not i 😌#(...but as you can see from this fic the door for a multiple-part story is definitely open 👀)#some of the fics may not even be based on a prompt though if i'm not feeling like it. honestly i'm curious to see how this will turn out!#(and if this ends up being the only post i ever make that's alright too! i refuse to bully myself with a hobby i'm doing for free <3)#however: i'm not taking requests per say BUT feel free to snoop on the prompts for each day and send me your ideas or hopeful wishes 👀#there are certain ones i'm more drawn to but i haven't really set anything in stone #one could say i'm just going with the flow. fuck around and find out if you will ✨#also: not sure if/when i'll be bothered to post any of these on ao3 #probably i'll just see how many fics i manage to actually finish and dump them all at once on ao3 on christmas day lol #anyway! enjoy & let me hear from you <3

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